


For you, the one I left behind.

by Yayate



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Also they're all gay, Childhood Friends, Edelgard went through some really horrible things okay, F/F, Female My Unit | Byleth, Heavy Angst, I have no idea how to tag this please assist, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-29
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:21:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yayate/pseuds/Yayate
Summary: I yearn for you, the one had stolen my heart.I need you, the one forever by my side.I wish for you, the ones I cried for every night.I am Edelgard von Hresvelg. For the perfect world I envision, I am willing to give up everything.  I have always been willing to give up everything. Need it be, I will sacrifice all those beloved to me by my hands.So why?Why does this still hurt? I've steeled my heart for every occasion. I've long accepted that everyone around me may as well have already fallen. Yet it still hurts.I have long run out of tears. But I sometimes wish I could still shed them, just to rid myself of this pain.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Monica von Ochs, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 3
Kudos: 53





	For you, the one I left behind.

“Edel! When you become Emperor, I want to be your Empress!”

It was nothing but an innocent promise between two clueless children. Neither yet understood the meaning of those words. Edelgard didn’t yet know what it meant to be Emperor, and Monica definitely didn’t know what it would mean to be her Empress. How could they possibly know what that entails? Their age had yet to break out of singular digits, and neither had bloomed tall enough to experience anything more than the blissful life of noble children.

They were meaningless. It was just a pointless vow between two close friends. They were too young to understand ‘love’. They were too young to understand anything further than their house-wide horizons. Monica was probably even too young to vividly remember saying those words. If she did remember, she would now no-doubt be embarrassed by the insanely bold preposition her prepubescent self had made.

They were meaningless. It was just the kind of thing a young girl might say to her closest friend. There was no deeper meaning, Monica just wanted to say she wanted to stay close to Edelgard, even as they bloom into adulthood. They meant nothing more. Edelgard knew that very well. She knew it when she was forced to abandon Monica and all of the Adrestian Empire, and she still knew it as she laid in her cold cell.

They were meaningless.

And yet still, there was nothing that meant more than Edelgard. Even as her memories of the past cracked and faded, that scene remained etched deep within her heart. Edelgard could recall how Monica wore her hair on that day—in two uneven red pigtails, her left clumsily made longer than her right. She still remembered the exact tone she spoke in. She still remembered the exact pitch of her voice. Her exact expression. Her exact smell. Even as the rest of her memories cracked, not a single detail of that one ever let away. 

“Monica, Monica, Monica.”

How many days had it been? How many weeks had it been? Had it been months yet? How long had it been since her last sibling was taken away? No, wait. Who even was the last of her siblings taken away? Was it one of her sisters, was it one of her brothers? What expression did they make as they cried for Edelgard’s help, and when they cried for Edelgard to be strong? Did they, even?

Edelgard couldn’t remember. Even if she managed to stay strong while she could remain in her siblings’ embrace, all of her strength had now-long faded. She was alone. Completely alone, with nothing but that one memory to latch onto. With nothing but that one memory to keep her alive and warm. When she finally returns to Adrestia, Monica would be there. Waiting for her. 

No matter how much it meant to her, it was just one memory. It alone was far from enough to keep Edelgard alive. It helped her steel her heart and soul, but cracks in her sanity grew far too wide for her to ever suppress. For no human could ever hold enough strength to bear with this constant torture. 

It was only natural for her to attempt to escape, by the only path still open. But those fiends that lingered within the shadows of her cell refused to even let her die. When she started clawing at her own wrists, they locked away her arms. When she tried to tear her ankles, they locked away her arms. When she tried to bite off her own tongue, they gagged her. Eventually, the only option still left to her was holding her breath until she choked away, but she would always wake up again, hours later, still chained to her life. After even longer still, she could no longer even muster the strength to do that. It was as if she had given up control of her own body, as she just waited for this personal hell to pass. Not even able to strike away the rats that every night gnawed at her seemingly lifeless body. Day after day after day after day.

Until, one day—she just woke up somewhere else. On bedding so soft it hurt her back. Faced by a light so bright it hurt her eyes. Wrapped in a weight so heavy it hurt her bones. When her senses came to, she realized she was in some sort of infirmary. All sorts of medical equipment was stored around her, and on top of her, laid a very familiar face.

“Edelgard? Edel? Edel? El! Are you awake? El!”

It was a voice she hadn’t heard in at least three years, yet she would never forget.

Monica.

Edelgard tried to respond, but she couldn’t get a single word out of her parched throat. All she could do was nod. A nod that was enough for Monica to whine and lightly shake Edelgard’s bed.

“I missed you! I missed you I missed you I missed you! I was so happy when I heard you were coming home… but it had been three months… so I thought… so I thought…”

Coming home? No, that is correct. She had stayed in the Kingdom of Faerghus for—how long, exactly? Edelgard could no longer recall the time or the reason, but she could vaguely recall the pain of missing her closest friend.

“I… they won’t tell me what happened to you. But— I… Father just happened to be here for a medical checkup, and it… I saw you… and you… oh Goddess…” Monica’s words stopped, and she silently just pushed her head into Edelgard’s shoulder. It was odd, her body definitely felt like it should be in pain from even such a simple touch, but all Edelgard could feel was the stress locked in her shoulders instantly dissipating. It was like she could finally take a single, deep breath after three months of ever-slowly drowning. It couldn’t quite heal the pain of the body or heart, but it eased the pressure tearing her even further apart, even if only a meager little. “It… you… there was so much blood… I thought you were… there’s no way you would…” Monica could only barely stutter out words between what Edelgard could only assume were tears. If she were at all able to move, she would’ve tightly returned Monica’s embrace. Even in the most hellish of times, she never wanted to hear Monica cry. Even if her heart had gone too cold to truly hurt, hearing her closest friend like this felt excessively uncomfortable.

“I… Hubert should be on his way by now. Rest up, okay? Please? You’ll be alright, we’re going to bring you home, you’re going to see your family again… everyone missed you… everyone was so worried about you…” Monica gently pulled away from their embrace. That poor thing, her eyes had gone red and her face was a complete mess. How much had she been crying? How many tears had her dearest Monica shed for her sake?

Weakly, very weakly, she moved her hand up. Pressing her almost lifeless hand against Monica’s face. With all the strength she could muster, she forced a smile onto her own face. It was faint, but enough for Monica to smile, too. She grabbed onto Edelgard’s hand and nuzzled her cheek into it, before muttering something under her breath.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, ever again…”

No, Monica. You misunderstand. By the power of the Crest of Flames now vested in my body, I will protect you. I won’t let myself cry again, and I’ll never lead you to shed even a single more tear. After these three months in hell, I realized something I should’ve known so many years ago.

How much you mean to me. My closest friend, and maybe someday a step more. Even though I hurt and a single movement might tear open all these scars, I’m still smiling.

This smile is for you. The one forever by my side.

~~~

The next several weeks were dedicated to Edelgard’s slow recovery and rehabilitation. It was as if she had to discover everything anew. Even though the most powerful of all healing magics had been dedicated to healing Edelgard’s body, they could not remove the scars that had dug so deep into her soul. It took several days until Edelgard fully regained her ability to converse, but that was just the first of many skills that had left her over the course of those months. She could no longer walk without any assistance. She couldn’t even stand straight on her own two legs. Her ability to function as an independent person had been destroyed just by those two on their own, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Her fine motor skills had depreciated beyond the point of her even being able to feed herself.

Even a simple fork was too difficult to use. A fork. A simple piece of cutlery she had used for her entire life. She could no longer gouge something on its prongs, for she felt too weak. And even if she managed to push herself past that part, her hands could never quite last long enough to get it into her mouth. A spasm of her hands or a twitch of her arms were all that was needed to knock it out of her hands, and force her to start all over again.

It was a simple action that had never required any conscious thought.

But now? Her body just wouldn’t listen. Her body just wouldn’t… move.

Somehow, it all hurt. It all hurt. Her hand hurt. Her arm hurt. Her fingers hurt. Her shoulders hurt. It all hurt. Because she was weak. All because she was weak. Weak, weak, weak.

“Edel, don’t push yourself. Here.”

Monica had to step up and help her. She had to be fed by the girl she liked. And not for any reason other than that she had gone too weak to feed herself. It was a wonderful gesture. It made her happy. Yet it just reminded her, of just how useless she had become.

No, how useless she had always been.

Just because she was weak.

“There, there. Take it slow. Do you need something to drink? I can get you some water! Ah, would you rather want some tea? Hubert, get Edel some of her tea! She’s thirsty!”

Monica was being so presumptive. She wouldn’t even give Edelgard the time to force out a response, whether it be a soft ‘yes’, ‘no’ or even just wordless a shake or nod of her hand. Edelgard had always seen this sort of behaviour as annoying and infantilizing, but when Monica did it, it felt kind of nice. Maybe it helped that Monica usually actually knew what she wanted. Well, not… that usually. She kinda just… uh.. Okay, look! It’s really difficult to say no to the girl you like! Especially when you’re as weak and torn as I am now. That might be the one good thing about her current situation. Throughout all the pain she didn’t even know how to begin processing, Monica had been here, with her, every day, to ensure that her every need was filled. They talked and talked and talked, until the night fell, and they fell asleep together. Rest like Edelgard hadn’t had in months. Whenever Monica was awkwardly slumped over on her bed, right next to her, it felt like she could actually sleep, rather than being stuck in the awful half-conscious state of nightmares.

“Ah, there he is. What took you so long, Hub!? Hurry up and give it to her-” Hubert reached forward, handing out a tray holding both a tea-kettle and an ornate, white cup. This was usually the part where he would greet ‘Lady Edelgard’ and wish her strength, as well as berate people for possibly exhausting her, but it appeared that even the uptight Hubert could go meek. Monica had that effect on people, it seems. “No, she can’t use her- nevermind, go away and start another pot! And start on some dinner, too! Edel’s been so malnourished, and… ah, i’m sorry, sweetheart. Here.” Monica pulled the cup of tea up to her own lips and gently blew over it to cool it down, before moving it back to Edelgard and lightly tilting it.

Ah, what was this? It was delightful! It was a little on the warm side, but it was a flavour Edelgard had never gotten to savor before. It was this perfect blend of sourness and sweetness, neither quite overwhelming the other. It made her still-roughened throat feel a little bit softer, too. The cup was soon empty, and Monica quickly readied another one.

“This tea is exquisite! What sort of blend is this, Monica?”

“Oh, it’s just bergamot tea! I knew you’d like it, I had sent Hubert out to acquire a fair helping of this yesterday, and it seems that for once he hasn’t disappointed.”

Edelgard wanted to cut in and scold Monica for being so crass about Hubert, but she was so thirsty that she just kinda shut up when she was handed another cup. This time, she took it in her own, shaking hands. Okay, Edelgard. All you have to do is sit still and move the cup closer. Yes, like that. It’s an action she had done countless times before, it wasn’t difficult. Edelgard carefully tilted the tea, and- ah! Her left hand overshot her intended movements and instead of tilting it, she knocked it into her face, splashing all of it onto her face. Her right hand gave in seconds after, leaving the cup tumbling off the bed and shattering on the ground underneath.

“Edel, ah! Are you okay? No, don’t worry about the cup. It’s okay.” Monica quickly got up and reached for a small towel, not even giving Edelgard the time to respond before quickly rubbing it all over her face. She whined and mumbled out a little, but there was no point in resisting Monica when she got this protective. “Please don’t push yourself like that. If it had been even a slight tinge hotter, you could’ve seriously burnt yourself! Take it slow, okay, Edel?”

‘Take it slow’?

“Monica, with all due respect, I’ve spent the last weeks taking it slow. Your care has made me so happy, but I need to regain my independence. I cannot just rely on the support of my closest friend forever!”

“Then be my girlfriend already, geez! I didn’t want to push this onto you until you recovered, but if you’re going to be this stubborn! Then! Be mine already! ‘Cause even you can’t complain if it’s your girlfriend taking care of you!”

Huh? Don’t say something like that in jest, Monica. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to return for like… years now! My heart had already decided you are the one I want so many years ago! Do you remember what I asked you five years ago, Edelgard? I know your memory’s been bad, but!”

Five years ago? No, it couldn’t be. The one thought that never fled her mind. The one memory that drove her heart to not surrender. Edelgard didn’t remember a lot about her past, and even as bits and pieces returned to her, most still lacked clarity and detail. She couldn’t even remember how she had responded, back then. Was she happy? Was she confused? Embarrassed?

“I meant it! Geez. I know I was like, ten! But! I knew I wanted to be your Empress back then, and I still do now!” Monica pulled the sheets off Edelgard’s body, before reaching back into her pockets and pulling something out. 

It was a small pendant, tied to a short, golden chain. It seemed sort of like the tip of a sword, or maybe the very point of a spear. It was just a simple chunk of gold carved into a cone, with some unfamiliar insignia engraved all about it. While it aroused the slightest hint of familiarity, it awoke nothing more. Monica grabbed onto Edelgard’s wrist, apprehensively lifting it up and tying the golden chain around it. All while smiling at her.

“Give me your yes, already! Call me your girlfriend and tell me you love me so I can baby you like you deserve?”

It was a bit difficult to respond. She did love Monica, even if most of their time together had been forgotten. It wasn’t like she was worried or conflicted on her answer, she was merely taken aback by how intensely forward Monica had been. After a few moments of gathering her thoughts, Edelgard finally responded.

“I love you, please be my-”

“You already know my answer, so just lay still and let me take care of you already!”

Edelgard couldn’t help but smile. For you, my love.

~~~

With their mutual ‘confessions’ out of the way, Edelgard became a whole lot more receptive to Monica’s incessant assistance, and her rehabilitation continued. Over the course of weeks, she regained the ability to walk on her own two legs, to eat by herself with her own fork, and she had even slowly been teaching herself how to write again. Even if her body still felt weaker than it had before, her genuine impairment was quickly fading.

And yet still, she hurt. As her physical injuries faded and were left as nothing more than scars, the aching of her heart kicked in, like nothing ever before. As more of her memories returned to her, she realized quite how much she had lost. How much her family meant to her. And how horrible it was that she couldn’t even remember their names without Hubert and Monica’s assistance. Let alone their faces and voices. Even as they became less of a blur to her, her memories never became truly sharpened.

And the nightmares. The nightmares just wouldn’t stop. It sometimes felt as if her mind couldn’t handle another night of sleep, because her dreams always took her back to her torture, and the deaths of her siblings. What if this had happened to anyone else? Would they have torn themselves apart already? Edelgard felt weak for only being able to shed dry tears, but as the future Emperor of the Adrestia, she was different from anybody else.

Edelgard could not give up.

Because she was the only one that could change this.

She was the only one that could ensure that no one would ever have to suffer like she did.

Edelgard wished she could say time could begin to mend the scars of her heart, but it truly couldn’t. The only thing that helped pacify the ever present screams of her heart was spending time with Monica. The romantic, loving moments they spent together soothed pain like nothing else ever could. Even if she couldn’t quite say she felt genuinely ‘happy’, the rosey moments with Monica felt so much easier than her everyday pains.

But Edelgard could not stand still. The future Emperor of Adrestia could not wallow in her pain. She couldn’t just enjoy the few blissful moments she had and move through life as any other human would. For she was Edelgard von Hresvelg, the one who will change this corrupted world.

It was a change she could not enforce on her own. She needed the assistance of those she trusted. And even as she barely broke out of being a fifteen year old, her time with Monica (and Hubert) took a swing for the far-more serious. The cutesy discussions of the life she wanted to spend with Monica turned into painful discourse about what they would need to do to create a world, in which she would be able to peacefully spend that life with Monica. No, not simply so she could enjoy her life with the girl she loved, but because she wanted to reforge Fódlan into a world where everyone would be able to enjoy life with those they loved. Freed of the tyranny of Crests, and cut loose from the strings of those who fought to control them. 

It started as an idealistic discussion of dreams and wishes, but they soon pulled their hopes from the skies and crashed their desires more grounded. What would they need to do, to create the Fódlan they desired? On the corpses of how many, could a greater Fódlan realistically grow? Edelgard didn’t want to kill a single person, but the moment their discussion reached any level of seriousness, she realized that was a childish delusion to be cast away.

A world cannot change without bloodshed.

Progress cannot come without crushing those who wish to conserve this disgusting past.

Soon, this teenage dream of rebellion turned into something far more real. Hubert used his network of contacts to weave support from the darkest depths of Fódlan’s shadows, while Monica and Edelgard worked sleepless nights to create a flawless strategy to rebuild this world from it’s desecrating corpse. Of course, this plan was not without its own caveats. Edelgard had to surrender control- or at least pretend to- to the very people that tortured her and took away her family. She had to become exactly what they wanted her to be, their most powerful pawn. Even if it hurt, Edelgard didn’t hesitate. She would only accept their help for as long as she needed it, and the moment she had dragged this hellish world to a better place, she would uproot and eliminate them as they deserved.

The final ‘phase’ of their plan involved joining Garreg Mach, the Officer;s Academy that connected the borders of the three countries. It was where all the world’s greatest soldiers were born, and it is where the future leaders of both Faergus and the Leicester Alliance had taken their studies. They were both pivotal to Edelgard’s plans. She and Monica had to assess whether or not Claude and Dimitri had any possibility of falling to Edelgard’s whims, and if they hadn’t, they needed to be eliminated. Ensuring the early destabilization of those regions would ensure Adrestia would be able to conquer them with far less bloodshed. Furthermore, the current Archbishop of the Church was also at Garreg Mach, and her actions and inactions were part of what kept the world as it is.

Maybe she was just blissfully unaware of what people did for power, and in name of the Church of Seiros? Maybe she was just blissfully innocent and naive. Maybe, a simple conversation would be all that was needed? No. There was no way, that someone so heavily involved with all the inner workings of the Church itself would not know about the tragedies done in Sothis’ name. If simple reading and research was enough for Edelgard to discover boundless numbers of lives taken in the name of the Church, and the amount of other, disgusting crimes done to ensure the continued existence of individual Crests, there was no way this ‘Rhea’ wasn’t aware.

But, for now, she wasn’t to worry about this. There were countless preparations to be done, most of which were far beyond Edelgard’s control. She had over a year to prepare, and aside from sizing up Dimitri and Claude, she was free to spend her time as she pleased. Edelgard, Monica and Hubert… they’d be able to have a regular school’s life, no matter how short it may be. No eyes were upon them here. As long as they remained here, they could be how they truly wished to be.

This instantly led to the bubble of Edelgard and Monica’s repressed affection popping. What used to be limited to simple hand-holding quickly turned into a constant volley of affection. They couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They couldn’t keep their lips away from each other. Within mere days did they go from serious, regal and withdrawn about their love, to having to be constantly told to stop being so open with their love. 

Neither of them could slow down. They knew this would be the one, peaceful year they would be able to have together, and they were going to make it last. They were inseparable. Even as Edelgard quickly became the class representative of the Black Eagles, did she not slow down. Never shrinking her duty, yet covering her girlfriend in infinite affection. The pendant she wore around her wrist soon became attached to her representative’s cloak, hanging gently across the right side of her chest. So that even when Monica or Edelgard were busy and they couldn’t be with each other in person, Edelgard still always had a little of her love with her.

For the first time since that horrible incident could truly call herself happy. Even if this happiness couldn’t last forever, all Edelgard could see was the twelve months of bliss she had in front of her.

‘Twelve’

They had only been at Garreg Mach for three months. By the end of the Lone Moon, everything just… broke. It broke. It broke, it broke, it broke! The happiness she had built up, the happiness she had yearned for as long as her memories reached! It all broke! Everything! What had she done!? Why take this away from her!? Why Monica!?

Why.

On the thirtieth day. It all had to be ruined. It was a beautiful, sunny day. She had a date planned with Monica tonight, and they were planning on spending the rest of the night together. It was to be nothing special, nothing but just another day of two lovers spending their lives together, and yet. And yet!

Why?

Edelgard stood by Monica’s door, the lastmost door on the downstairs half of the provided living spaces.. Monica had a nasty habit of sleeping in, and the job of waking her up usually fell on Edelgard. Just as she had done for every day of the past months, she knocked on Monica’s door.

No response. That wasn’t too uncommon. Monica was a deep sleeper, and this was never enough to wake her up. “Coming in.” Edelgard called through the door, before quickly twisting the knob and inviting herself inside-

Huh? Ah, Monica remembered to lock her door, for once in her life. No matter, she had the spare key to Monica’s room. Both to wake her up, and for more obvious late-night activities. The door quickly clicked open, and…

There was no one there.

It was a mess, as usual. She might’ve curled up under her sheets. But as she pulled those off, she again found nothing.

And nothing.

And nothing.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

“Monica?”

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Monica just woke up early. Yeah. It had to be that. As unlikely as it was, it was possible. Edelgard kept her wits together and left.

Where was she?

Not in the cafeteria. Not in class. Not in the library. Not in the Church. Not in the park. Not anywhere. Not anywhere. Not anywhere.

Monica, where are you!?

Come back, please.

Monica, I need you.

Come back, please…

“Have you seen Monica?” Edelgard became increasingly desperate. She first asked the students of her class, but none of them knew. “Did you happen to see a red-headed student leave the city?” the gatekeepers just shook her head. “Where’s Monica!?” the teachers were next. The Knights of Seiros. Edelgard even swallowed her pride and went to Rhea herself. “Monica! Have you seen Monica!?”

...unlike the others, Rhea had a response.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re what!? What did you-”

“No, sweet child of Hresvelg. A merchant had come to me this morning to inform me they saw a redheaded student being dragged away. I didn’t want to alarm you, or the rest of Garreg Mach, so I kept it silent from all but my closest Knights. They’ve been working ceaselessly throughout the day in hopes of finding her. They’ve interrogated all possible witnesses, but they’ve learnt nothing more than that the culprit wore a ‘peculiar mask.’ Please do not worry, my dear child. Monica will be safe. That, I assure you.”

Rhea lowered herself to her knees to be level with Edelgard, and an untenable disgust scoured through her system. Do not belittle me, do not infantilize me! I am Lady Hresvelg, the future Emperor! Do not address me as if I were some child, don’t you dare!

Those were all things Edelgard wanted to scream out, but she could harness nothing more than thoughts. By the end, all that came out of her mouth was a shaken “I apologize, and I thank you.”

“I understand how important Monica must be to you, and we are doing everything within our capabilities to ensure her safety. Please don’t burden yourself with unnecessary burdens, and if you must cry, don’t hold your tears back. I’ll relieve you of your duties for the following week. Do what you must to recover, and before you know it, we’ll have your precious Monica back in your arms.”

Cry? Cry!? The Edelgard that could shed tears had died so many years ago! You belittling, two-faced…

“If you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m always here. I know how cruel life has been to you, and we will not let it fall any further.”

No. Hold your tongue. Not another word. Edelgard turned around, left, and returned to her room.

This had been inevitable. Edelgard and Monica had both known this would eventually happen, and they had both prepared for this eventuality. This was just far quicker than either of them had imagined. If Monica had been kidnapped, there was only one possible culprit. And they would not let her live. Those monsters, those unforgivable monsters! Those soulless, unforgivable monsters! Were their support not so essential to Edelgard’s ideals, her first move would be to wipe them off the face of this Earth. But she couldn’t. That would mean surrendering on her ideals. The ideals she and Monica had crafted together.

And Monica was the only one she was unwilling to betray. She loved Monica, like she did no one else. All she could do for Monica, was just to steel her heart and push forward. These feelings, this pain, all of this misery… and the strength that it brought, were all for one person.

For you, the one I will never cast aside.

~~~

Days turned into weeks, and Monica never returned. They had found no trace of her. Hubert’s ‘contacts’ within those who slithered within the depths of hell would not respond to her inquiries, but she still held no doubt in her heart that it was them. This was just the exact kind of thing they would do. Was it because they realized Edelgard would betray them!? Was this a hostage taken to keep her in control!? Were they deluded into thinking Monica was holding her back, in some way!? 

Whatever the reasoning was, they could not be forgiven. It didn’t matter. They crushed her heart and took away the one most important to her once again. Those wretched subhumans. 

At the end of the next month, Edelgard saw a perfect opportunity to take down her ‘rivals’. They had a mission that would take them far away from Garreg Mach and any potential reinforcements, so all she had to do was tell Hubert to hire some bandits for an assassination. Edelgard took charge of the mission, and led her to-be-victims deep into the forest, until an ambush of countless bandits came down on them. They tried to run away, but they would soon grow tired. And that would be the window Edelgard needed for their lives to be taken.

It was a simple, yet perfect plan, foiled only by a single stroke of bad luck. The attempted ambush had driven the three to a nearby mercenary camp, and they needed no convincing to jump to their aid. An old, rugged soldier, and a rough looking woman. Edelgard mistakenly assumed that a mere two soldiers would be enough to slaughter the entire band of hired killers, but they were.

Effortlessly.

Byleth and Jeralt Eisner, their ‘saviours’, if only they had come a few minutes later.

“You, this is all because of you!”

One of the fallen bandits dragged himself back to his feet and lifted his axe, storming at the trio of students. That’s right. He was paid well for his assistance. All he needed to do was strike one of them down, and so much progress would’ve already been made.

No, wait. No! As he angled his axe up high, Edelgard realized something far too late. He wasn’t striking at them, he was striking at her! No. Legs, move! Move, move, move… why couldn’t she move? Her legs had completely locked up, so all Edelgard could do was turn herself away and hope one of the two would save her. Please...

“Are you okay!?”

When Edelgard opened her eyes and turned back to what she assumed was certain death, all she could see was the beautiful, blue-haired mercenary thrust between her and the bandit. One of her hands had moved to catch the bandit’s striking arm, whilst the other had thrust a sword deep within the bandit’s abdomen. The swordswoman had (surely) gracefully and elegantly struck him down. In just two motions. Two, effortless motions. Were it not for this woman, her life would’ve been taken from her.

Saved by a stranger, one she might never see again.

Or so she thought. The two escorted the students back to Garreg Mach, and instead of departing, they were both offered jobs. Jeralt as a Knight, and Byleth as a teacher. She was soon assigned to the Black Eagles, and her mysterious saviour became her homeroom teacher. She was kind, like Monica, but very shy, unlike Monica. She was beautiful, like Monica, but she had blue hair, unlike Monica. She, uh, definitely, very much-

Over the course of the next several months, Edelgard started to develop feelings for her teacher. Feelings similar to those she had held for Monica. Was that okay? It wasn’t like Byleth was replacing Monica, in her heart. But with Monica gone, she did need someone else by her side. It was only natural, for someone like her to yearn for companionship. 

“Edelgard?” “Edelgard!” “Edelgard.” “Edeeelgard!”

Hearing her name come from Byleth’s mouth made her feel warm. That feeling, that she couldn’t have, since the start of this year.

“Good morning, Edelgard.” “Good night, Edelgard.”

Byleth was so kind. So pretty. Her smile was so warm. She swore she couldn’t express herself, but whenever she felt truly emotional, her smile was among the most luminous she had ever seen.

“Thank you, Edelgard.” “You make me happy, Edelgard.”

And maybe Byleth even returned those feelings, for how close they had become. It would be inhumane to move on from her last love in less than a year, but her heart had quickly grown a yearning for Byleth.

“My teacher, I have something important to tell you. Meet me after class, tomorrow.” If only she had held her tongue for just a few days longer. But it had to be today. The very day where she reunited with her one love. Her true love. She had to play the role of the Flame Emperor, but as soon as she returned and made a courtesy visit to the infirmary to check on Flayn, she-

“Monica!?”

Found her thought-to-be-lost love, right in front of her. Sleeping peacefully on one of the many beds. “Where did she, how did she… Monica!?” Edelgard’s composure shattered, and she just jumped forward and wrapped herself around the one she thought lost. “Monica. I’ve missed you, my Monica. My warmth.” The one that kept her frozen heart intact, the only one that could keep her moving, even in the most painful of times. She had returned. She came back. She really came back.

My heart has no room but for you, the one I cherish forever.

~~~

Monica soon woke up, and they returned to their normal, everyday life. As if they had only been separated for a few days, rather than over half a year. They loved each other, and love knew no hesitation. She was here again, her miracle of a girlfriend was with her again. The one that kept her frozen heart beating. The one that stopped her ice-cold heart from freezing itself to death. She was the only one. The only one.

“Umm, E-Edelgard… you had… um, something to say to me?”

In the midst of their time together, Byleth suddenly approached the pair. Edelgard looked over and shook her head, before dragging her eyes back to Monica. She couldn’t give the temporary haven of her heart anymore attention, lest she make any irreversible mistakes. Edelgard was back with the one she truly loved, so that was all that mattered.

“Edelgard…?”

“Please buzz off, Professor. Can’t you see that she’s busy? With her girlfriend? You insufferable, heartless tool! She reunited with her long lost lover, and this is how you react!? Leave us alone!”

“Oh. I-I’m sorry. I guess, I thought... I… I’m sorry.”

But even as she tried to seal off her heart from Byleth, seeing her bear that crestfallen expression felt very uncomfortable. Edelgard turned towards Byleth to open her mouth, but she couldn’t utter more than an “I’m sorry.” before the uncharacteristically aggressive Monica cut her off.

“Why are you still here, you pedophile? You abusive little rat. Trying to hit on a student just because her girlfriend isn’t around? Trying to take advantage of her poor, poor broken heart to soothe your fucked up desires? You’re paid to teach us, not molest us. Leave us alone, already!”

That was too much. Far too much. Byleth flinched in a manner Edelgard had never quite seen before, and her expression noticeably darkened. She had spent months trying to build up an ability to maintain eye-contact with Edelgard, but now her gaze was again falling to the ground.

“Ah, Professor!”

Byleth darted off, and before Edelgard could give chase, her girlfriend grabbed her by the wrist and yanked her right back.

“No, no, my dear. You don’t have to pretend to care anymore. I’m back. Your love. The love of your life. Sheesh, you seem so shaken! She really has been abusing you, hasn’t she? Has she defiled you? Did she dare defile you?”

“No, but-”

Monica put one hand on Edelgard’s cheek and the other on her hip, before turning her about and forcing her back straight into the wall, Monica’s soft, red lips inches away from her own. Had they always been that red? Or that puffy? Ah, no, that was definitely lipstick. 

“How ‘bout we continue where we left off, dear? We had a date planned, and we had a night of love-making planned.”

“I can’t just-”

“You so can, just shut up and kiss me, my lovely Edel.”

Monica pushed her chest against Edelgard’s, and quickly they locked lips. A kiss, with Monica. It was that warmth that she had missed, for so long. The scent that she had missed, for so long. The taste she had craved for, for so long! Before long, her kiss pushed deeper, tongue dancing towards Edelgard’s. Poking against her lips, before-

Eh!? Monica’s hand shot to her chest. To the buttons on her shirt. It wasn’t like they hadn’t fooled around before, like they hadn’t touched each other before, but not like this! In public!? Shamelessly groping at her chest and- Edelgard’s hands darted upwards to grab at Monica’s wrists, doing her best to pull those hands away.

...when did she get this strong? This abnormally strong? Had she always been this strong? Were it not for Monica picking up on the message, she probably wouldn’t be able to get away.

“We’re in public.” Edelgard whispered, quickly buttoning her top back up.

“I’m sorry, Edel. I just got a little carried away after getting that pervert off your back. I’ve missed your touch, you know? I need your touch. Your touch. Your. Touch. You. You.”

She looked like Monica. She smelled like Monica. She felt like Monica. She tasted like Monica. Her voice was Monica’s, and yet.

...was this really Monica?

Monica could be a little rough, but not like this. Monica was kind-hearted and cheerful. It… no. She had been gone for half a year. It’s perfectly understandable for her to change. Edelgard did, too, after she broke free from her torture! It was definitely Monica. The Monica she had fallen in love with. The Monica she trusted with her life, her heart. The very Monica she grew up with, and the very Monica that was going to be her Empress.

It was Monica. It was Monica. It was Monica.

It was Monica. Monica came back to her.

“I love you, so much, my softness, my sweetness. I yearned for you, I yearned for you, I still yearn for you, this very moment.” As she said those words, she kissed towards Edelgard’s cheek. Towards her neck. Even nibbling on what she knew was one of Edelgard’s weakest spots. It could even crack the most clear-headed facade Edelgard could ever muster. It made her legs wobble, her heart throb, her blood rush. “C’mere, honey, let’s get you out of those clothes. We have half a year to make up for!”

“No.”

“Er? Did I mishear you? ‘Cause it sounded like you said ‘no’ to your favourite activity with your favourite person.”

“Ah, no. I didn’t mean ‘no’, I meant… no, not today. We can reunite our bodies tomorrow. My heart still needs to recover. It’s been a painful time, Monica.”

“Doesn’t that mean sex is the best way for us to reconnect? C’mon, give in, say yes. You can’t say no to your girlfriend!”

“Could you perhaps let me off with a kiss, for today?”

Monica pouted, before quickly pecking her lips forward and printing a small kiss on Edelgard’s lips. “Fine, but I won’t let you sleep tomorrow.” with a huff, she waved and moved away.

It was Monica. It was Monica. Don’t doubt it, Edelgard, it was Monica. Your anxiety is getting the best of you. Your trauma is leading you to unreasonable questions. She just got a little rougher, is all. It’s Monica. It’s her Monica.

Yeah, it’s Monica.

The next day was not too dissimilar from how the last one had gone. Monica and Edelgard were again inseparable, and Monica still drooled her venomous hostility at everyone that even considered coming close, well, everyone but Hubert. It seemed like their childhood bonds was enough for Monica to trust him. She even hissed away sweet lil’ Lysithea. Had this been the Edelgard of long ago, she would’ve pulled her aside and decried her behaviour, but now?

Monica was here, and who knew for how long? Her behaviour would moderate out eventually. This was just a temporary phase.

But, she never mellowed.

It had been several months, and Monica was as rough as she had so suddenly become. It was their last mission of the year. They had to demolish a town of ‘experiments’, living dead brought forth by the inhumane experiments of her allies. It went smoothly. Everything went well.

Until the very end.

“Father!”

Because Monica, had drawn a blade. And just. She stabbed Jeralt. A single thrust of her knife, and he fell to the ground. Byleth had rushed to her blade and struck with all of her fury, but the blade was deflected by a blast of darkness, as one of those who slithered in the darkness appeared between her and Monica. He tried to grab at Byleth, but she kicked him aside and just ran as fast as she could. To her father. Her dying father.

“Bye bye, El!”

With a flash of light, both Monica and the other faded away.

Leaving Byleth standing there. Alone. Falling to her knees, and crying. Edelgard knew that poison very well. There was no way Jeralt could possibly survive that. His death was imminent, and there was nothing anyone would be able to do about it.

“Father? Father… please… don’t close your eyes… father. Please. Please. Open up, father… I didn’t, we didn’t… you were supposed to… we were supposed to.”

Those tears she shed, on that day, were all because of Edelgard. For trusting Monica, and not striking her down when she saw her as an imposter. For letting her heart get in the way of her mind. She wanted to walk up and apologize and hold Byleth, but she couldn’t. Not after what Monica had said to her. Not after how distant they had grown over the recent months.She hadn’t the right. She had surrendered the right. No, she had forever lost the right, to stand at Byleth’s side. All she could do was don the attire of the Flame Emperor, and walk up to her.

“I’m sorry. He wasn’t supposed to die.”

“You-”

With a flash of warp powder, the ‘Flame Emperor’ disappeared, and she quickly reappeared back in her room. After removing her disguise, she stood up and walked to her mirror. Her eyes were red, but she hadn’t cried. She still couldn’t cry. Even though she wanted to, even though she felt this crushing guilt bare down on her, she couldn’t cry. 

This was going to happen, over and over.

If someone drew close to Edelgard, something would take them away. Her family was close, and died. Monica was close, then disappeared. Byleth got close, and then she pushed her away and tore her apart, with her own bare hands.

These tears that I cannot shed, they are for you.

For you, my lost ones.

For you, my irreplaceable ones.

~~~

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt. Guilt guilt guilt. Painful, agonizing guilt. The next day, Edelgard went out to pick up Byleth in an attempt to cheer her up, but she could still hear endless bawling from her room. She needed her time. If Edelgard had the right to, she would’ve offered her shoulder for Byleth to shed her tears.

“I’m sorry, father… I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

For the first few days, Byleth had locked herself in her room, unmoving. She wouldn’t answer to anyone, and the only hint of life was the occasional crying coming from her room. It was understandable. She had just lost her father. Her only remaining family. After those few days of initial grieving, Byleth finally let herself out of her room.

The very first person she went to was Edelgard.

“I’m… sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Those apologies weren’t coming from Edelgard, they were coming from Byleth. This hurt, heartbroken fool had led herself to believe she had anything to apologize for. Her eyes were red. She still seemed to be tearing up a little, and quite frankly, her face looked disgusting from all the facial matter crying had left on her.

“Why are you apologizing?”

“It… Monica… I was so selfish… you just lost your girlfriend, and I, just… locked myself… even though I’m your teacher…”

No, Byleth, that’s not what you should be doing. You should be yelling at Edelgard. Screaming at her! Blaming her! Cursing at her! Telling her how this is all her fault, and that she never wants to see her again! Cease those kind words, and give me your anger. But there was none of that. Byleth just stood there. Tearing herself apart. Apologizing to Edelgard, for something that Edelgard had directly caused.

That wasn’t right. But what was she supposed to say? Edelgard was at a loss of words, and after staring emptily at Byleth for a few moments, she finally knew what to say. She told her it was okay to cry, but that Edelgard wouldn’t stay behind and wait with her. That, eventually, she will move on, and then, Edelgard will reach a hand out to help her forward. 

After the first few words, Edelgard had lost track of what she was saying, and instead relied purely on instinct to lead her to the conversation. She was probably saying something extremely hurtful, but Byleth needed that. She needed to be angry. She deserved it. Turn those tears of despair into screams of anger. Just let it all out. Let it all out.

...Byleth had become a broken person, and she wouldn’t recover for the rest of the month. Even as they heard the news of how Garreg Mach tracked down ‘Monica’s’ whereabouts, she didn’t cheer up. Even as they deployed to kill her, she couldn’t even force out the slightest smile. When she stood face to face with the army of those that slithered in the dark, she wouldn’t even lose her cool. She just cut forward. Enemy after enemy, with Edelgard struggling to remain at her side.

Until they reached ‘Monica’ herself.

“Hey, honey, hi, weirdo. So you finally caught up to me, huh? Well, ehehe, I’m sorry, I’ve got some bigger plans for you~! Why don’t you molest my pets instead of my girlfriend, Professor?”

Monica sicced her Crest Beasts onto Byleth, leaving Edelgard to fight her. Monica was just playing with her knives, playfully juggling them in one hand.

“So, honey! Why don’t you just surrender? It’d be a big win for us if you just let all of your fellow students be killed off, you know? They’re starting to get really strong, and we miight have a problem on our hands, before we even know it!”

Edelgard stayed silent and pulled her axe, taking a step forward.

“Huh? Oh, dear, you can’t be planning to fight me, can you? Your own love? Don’t you see my beautiful face? Monica’s still in here, you know. Maybe I’ll let her go and give her to you, if you play nice and beg! Oh, and if you kill your nasty Professor over there. You’d do that for your future wife, right?”

‘Future wife’?

Don’t be disgusting.

There’s no one Edelgard would less want to spend her life with. ‘Monica’ approached her, seemingly not worried about the thought of any sort of attack from Edelgard.

“Just think about the times we slept together, the times we kissed, made out. You can’t do anything but obey me, right?”

Rather than respond, she finally struck down. Slamming her axe right down on Monica’s shoulder. Cascading blood out and all over her own body. Monica flinched and fell to her knees, but this still wasn’t enough to finish her. She quickly warped away, to the apex of the battlefield.

“Where’d you learn how to do that, sweetheart? I’m going to have to punish you for that. Punish, punish, punish!”

She thought she was so safe, up on that cliff. She was looking over it, laughing at them.

Only for Byleth to strike her extending blade on her. Monica easily managed to dodge the whipping metal, but it was enough to temporarily shut her up, and for Byleth and Edelgard to rush over to opposing sides of the cliffs. To pin them in her middle, and-

...but.

They couldn’t finish her. Just as Edelgard and Byleth were about to deliver their final strike, an incredibly powerful barrier protected her.

“Ehehe, thanks! It was getting really hairy here! I’ll be retreating back to base! So you should- huh?”

The man that appeared behind her said nothing. HE just jammed his hand forward. Into Monica’s back. Through her spine. It seemed like an execution, that was, until black energy started to wrap around itself and into Monica’s body.

“No! No, no! Nonono! You promised me you’d help me get stronger! Not this!” Whining out, ‘Monica’ reached towards Edelgard. Crying. Shedding tears.

Like the real Monica never would.

“Please, Edel! Save your Empress! Be a good girl, and-”

The false Monica faded. Into darkness. And any chance of the true Monica returning with it. Byleth struck forward as fast as she possibly could, aiming right at her enemies head, but-

Her blade was caught. And the dark energy that was previously Monica charged on the man’s hand.Some sort of magic, one Edelgard had never seen before. He quickly blasted it at Byleth, and…

She just disappeared.

Edelgard fell to her knees.

Why?

No, this had to be some sort of trick. Byleth wouldn’t just, couldn’t just?

“I’ve caught her between realms, Lady Hresvelg. It’s a cell she will never be able to escape from. A personal hell, in which she will live out the rest of her countless, infinite days. Don’t worry ,she will not die. She’ll just suffer, alone, forever.”

No, no. No way.

“Bring her back!”

But he was already gone.

And another person she loved had disappeared. Another person that couldn’t be brought back.

Just like her family.

Just like Monica.

Now too, Byleth.

Edelgard felt defeated. Crushed. Why? Why did this all have to happen because of her? To those she loved? To her closest allies? She had sworn to strike down anyone that got in her way, but…

Byleth and Monica would never get in her way. Because she loved them both, so very much. Edelgard just felt so tired. So, so exhausted. She needed to sleep. She needed a break. She just needed to go somewhere, where no one could be taken from her. Somewhere not here. Edelgard dragged herself back to her feet and turned away, but before she could even take a single step.

A blinding light crackled behind her. And as she turned around, she could see Byleth’s sword. Cleave through the sky. Darkness splitting aside until it made a window large enough for her to leap through. It cut around her. Splitting everything away. Until Byleth’s body became visible. Floating. Feet inches above the ground.

...but she looked different. Her hair and eyes had gone green. But it was still Byleth. She could tell by that empty looking expression. By the sword in her hands. And quite honestly, unlike when Monica reappeared, she just knew it was really Byleth.

“My teacher!”

Edelgard ran as fast as she could, catching Byleth as she started to collapse. Sitting down with her and letting her rest into her lap.

“My teacher, are you okay? How did you…”

How did she do it?

It was simple.

“I just... really wanted to see you again.”

Byleth’s eyes fell closed, of exhaustion, not injury.

“The thing I wanted to tell you… I love you, Byleth. I may not hold the right to have you by my side, but.”

Edelgard reached up towards her cape, and pulled off the golden pendant Monica had once given to her. The real Monica. It was a sign of their love. A sign of their unionship. A promise of how they would be together, until their very end.

This promise I dedicate and make for you, the one I left behind.

Edelgard moved her hands forward and grabbed onto Byleth’s wrist, gently locking the pendant around her wrist. The second person she had ever loved. The only person that had come back. Even though Edelgard had caused all these horrible things to happen to Byleth, she didn’t hate her. She didn’t give up. She was so kindhearted. So sweet. So lovely. 

Edelgard knew they might stand on opposite sides of the battlefield, someday. Byleth was too kindhearted to support a war, and Edelgard had abused her so much that nobody would really blame Byleth if she were to abandon her. It was possible, and only fair. But even if they fought each other. Even if they had to kill each other.

Edelgard could promise one thing.

This smile is for you, the one forever by my side.


End file.
